It is what it is…

It took me a long time to warp out of my depression and finally be able to deal with situations. My susie passed away this year -it is what it is. I fall to pieces every time i go to see my dadi- it is what it is. Spending time with my brother and watching him deteriorate kills me- it is what it is. Sometimes, your caught in a helpless situation and u can’t make it better, but instead you can be grateful that your better off then so many.

Sure, you have something terrible that you can do nothing about, but again it is what it is.

So look for strength in these words “it is what it is” and don’t fall prey to self pity and low self esteem be proud of who u are and what you have achieved. When days are looking grey, find solace in being able to stand up and walk. Because even that requires being grateful.

How do i deal with everyday? It is what it is.


where is the writer in me?

Everyday i open my laptop and begin to write, hoping i will get some inspiration for my book. This never ending project i have put upon myself.

Days are spent everyday doing the same mundane thing, i can’t take it. The same damn routine everyday, but at the same time i think routine helps me. It helps me be more active, better focused and i sleep better. For some reason, i seem to have nothing to say about anything (not opinionated) and that’s weird. i always have an opinion, like roses are depressing they remind me of death. i much prefer that 100 rupee a dozen tube rose in white that smells divine. i guess the writer in me is on a break and i just need to write about whatever i want. It doesn’t have to be read by anyone not that this blog has much readership, i just need to pour some feelings out here because i literally keep everything bottled up inside and that’s not healthy..

so…today was a good day. #uselessAF but a good day.

Nostalgia @aadilmandviwalla

When did we stop caring about each other?

we build years of friendship and love and dancing at each others weddings.

i miss you mandvi.

i know we grew apart and things happened but i always felt closer to you than you gave me credit for.

But you know what it’s ok. Life hasn’t been the easiest for me not that i’m complaining but shit does hit the fan sometimes. I can’t imagine anything you’ve gone through was any less complicated.

i remember all the things we used to do together and i think, was that it? Is the boy i once thought was my best friend really not talking to me anymore.

i miss you aadil bhai.

with a tear staining my cheek, i wish that wherever you are, you are well and in the same high spirits that i always loved!

Not Another Sob Story

So i was diagnosed with a debilitating thing, which makes me differently abled when i was 23.

Whoop, dee, do. I’m 30 now and i’m doing pretty good, which makes me rather proud!

I drop my kid to school and rush home where i wobble my way over to the gym.

i say wobble because i have an equilibrium problem, which causes me to lose balance sometimes while walking. But its ok I’m ok if you are 🙂

At the gym i ride the bike for 20 minutes and then do about 50 to 100 abs and work weights on my arms and legs. After about 1 hour of a great work out i’m ready to shower change and pick up my son.

I walk into school meeting everyone with a hi! or hello! how are you! i know pretty much everyone in the school, the good part about knowing everyone is no one ever expects me to hurry up, (well not that i would hurry up even if they expected it). 😀

Yes, i walk slower, i wear sneakers. i don’t mind being the only one in jeans and a T-shirt, i guess what people think never bothered me. And why should it?

I’m living and breathing the best way i can so EXCUSE ME if i don’t need your pitiful comments “Allah reham karay”. “Allah reham kar raha hai, im doing the best i can!”

As i walk to the lift in my building, i’m happy and grateful to be home.

I had a dream

I had a dream, of you,

Every night I dreamed and I prayed so hard,

One night, Allah gave a feeling in my heart,

A baby was born, a light in my heart.

We had a visitor the very next day,

A guiding angel who showed us the way

The little boy I had dreamed of was in my arms

Allah had rewarded me with my miracle

With my hand in yours

Filling my heart with Joy

Filling our home with happiness

Making our family 1-2 and now 3!

You’re the piece that fits

Completes us as the family we always dreamed to be

Dreams do come true, my dream come true is you!


How we used to be

I tossed and turned in bed

Only to fall into a deep sleep,

I began to dream, I dreamed of you and me

The fun times we had

How we used to be

I wonder, where I lost you along  the way.

You were my best friend, I came to you for comfort.

Somehow I didn’t feel like I could be the same with you.

You always tell me I’m your best memory

Is that all we have left? Memories?

Bollywood movies aren’t all bad

Growing up i was never exposed to Bollywood movies like Andaaz Apna Apna or even the classics. DDLJ, Sholay etc…I grew up listening to everything American thanks to my American family who we spent every summer with, the english music and the english cartoons were way cooler than anything STN had on…

Bollywood came into my life basically when i got married. We would sit together as a family everyday after dinner and the family would watch the latest Bollywood music videos which, i did not have a taste for. I couldn’t comprehend why they would listen to this cheap moronic music which, basically had no meaning; and enjoyed it! i resisted watching Bollywood movies in cinema for 5 long years.

It was the year of 2017 that i really opened up to watching Bollywood and just gave in to the notion that it was “ok if my husband and his family enjoyed Bollywood songs and movies. It didn’t make them any different from me, i was just never exposed to that side of life. Sometimes in school my friends would throw around Hindi dialogues and much to their surprise i would be flabbergasted. I realised what my sub conscious was doing, it was thinking that people that listen to Indian music and watch Indian movies are paindu. And that had to stop, I had no right to judge  people based on their likes or dislikes. I was the illiterate who never questioned more.

After a long time my husband and I went on a date, dinner and a movie. We went to Atrium to watch Judwaaa 2. Oh my God! The amount of people that enjoyed this laugh out loud movie was amazing. All goes well that ends well, Varun Dhawan is HOT! And Jacqueline is scrumptious too!

If your having a shit day go watch this, i PROMISE you, you wont regret it.