I had a dream

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I had a dream, of you,

Every night I dreamed and I prayed so hard,

One night, Allah gave a feeling in my heart,

A baby was born, a light in my heart.

We had a visitor the very next day,

A guiding angel who showed us the way

The little boy I had dreamed of was in my arms

Allah had rewarded me with my miracle

With my hand in yours

Filling my heart with Joy

Filling our home with happiness

Making our family 1-2 and now 3!

You’re the piece that fits

Completes us as the family we always dreamed to be

Dreams do come true, my dream come true is you!

 

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How we used to be

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I tossed and turned in bed

Only to fall into a deep sleep,

I began to dream, I dreamed of you and me

The fun times we had

How we used to be

I wonder, where I lost you along  the way.

You were my best friend, I came to you for comfort.

Somehow I didn’t feel like I could be the same with you.

You always tell me I’m your best memory

Is that all we have left? Memories?

Bollywood movies aren’t all bad

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Growing up i was never exposed to Bollywood movies like Andaaz Apna Apna or even the classics. DDLJ, Sholay etc…I grew up listening to everything American thanks to my American family who we spent every summer with, the english music and the english cartoons were way cooler than anything STN had on…

Bollywood came into my life basically when i got married. We would sit together as a family everyday after dinner and the family would watch the latest Bollywood music videos which, i did not have a taste for. I couldn’t comprehend why they would listen to this cheap moronic music which, basically had no meaning; and enjoyed it! i resisted watching Bollywood movies in cinema for 5 long years.

It was the year of 2017 that i really opened up to watching Bollywood and just gave in to the notion that it was “ok if my husband and his family enjoyed Bollywood songs and movies. It didn’t make them any different from me, i was just never exposed to that side of life. Sometimes in school my friends would throw around Hindi dialogues and much to their surprise i would be flabbergasted. I realised what my sub conscious was doing, it was thinking that people that listen to Indian music and watch Indian movies are paindu. And that had to stop, I had no right to judge  people based on their likes or dislikes. I was the illiterate who never questioned more.

After a long time my husband and I went on a date, dinner and a movie. We went to Atrium to watch Judwaaa 2. Oh my God! The amount of people that enjoyed this laugh out loud movie was amazing. All goes well that ends well, Varun Dhawan is HOT! And Jacqueline is scrumptious too!

If your having a shit day go watch this, i PROMISE you, you wont regret it.

Music feeds my soul

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Sometimes i just find myself plugging in my headphones and tuning the world out, the traffic, the noise, the husband (only sometimes!).

Some tunes are so nostalgic, they cheer me up on the worst days; some are so meaningful they become my favourites. Sometimes i wish my significant other shared the love for music that i have, and i mean real music like the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, Fleetwood Mac, Bob Dylan and the likes of these classics.

Music has a way of defining you, maybe it goes back to my childhood when i would play the guitar. Music has played a big role in my life from listening to tunes on the CD player with my mother: Whitney Houston and Snow. Growing up with tunes to help me through my rebellion and pain, growing pains mostly. To moving to Cardiff and exploring a whole other genre of music to today when i go back and listen to all of the music i have gathered over my lifetime…I….smile.

 

Inspiration found!

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i’m battling my demons, all of them.

I’ve found peace in this chaos.

I have somehow found the part of me that was lost for so long. I gave in to depression, becoming an introvert, ruining all my relationships and what did i get? Self pity, woe is me no more. Even if i can’t hear your voice i know you light me up with your memory. Your memory that i have held on to for so long gives me so much and reminds me of who i am. All these inspirational videos have really struck a chord in my soul, growing up my father always said to me “Even orphans grow up,” so i guess i’m fortunate and i should be a little more grateful.

It’s been a while since i stood on my own and loved myself for me. If there is one thing i have realised it is that you can be nothing and do nothing if you don’t begin by loving yourself, look yourself straight and apologise to yourself because the past makes you who you are today, so hold your head up high and face the day.

 

The Right to Choose is Empowering

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Women; the raging feminist, the career maniac, the perfect housewife, the mother, the wife, the daughter, the sister and the list goes on. How many roles do we have to be successful at, to be truly empowered, and down right happy? Here’s my answer. None, being empowered isn’t a measure of how many things you can juggle at once. Being empowered is when you can choose to do what makes you happy, that’s the real empowerment, none of this ‘Girl boss’ stuff about being, well basically a hippie.

I’ve gone from dropping out of law school, to finding the perfect career and letting it go because, “I wanted too”. I waited and waited for motherhood to knock on my door and when it finally did, I chose to stay at home and be with my son, and I don’t regret it one day.

Some people say why not do both? And, that’s possible, but please don’t think my life is any easier than yours. I miss my advertising career, sure I do, but giving it up hasn’t made me any less empowered. I’m still the same person, with the same dreams and ambitions, but I just focus my energies differently.

I know I’m empowered when I go to a police station just like any other man would do and register an FIR. I know I’m empowered when I can single handedly deal with hospitals, ambulances, flipping my car and surviving. I am empowered because I still wake up and get out of bed everyday, I am empowered because I look at the world with positivity and fight off negativity. I am empowered when I can fight a disorder that has destroyed an entire generation in my family, and has no cure but, I will still do every thing you do, ‘just in flats’. I feel empowered when I know I can send kids to school, I feel empowered when I can give opportunity and give back to society.

Emily Esfahani Smith in her book the ‘Power of Meaning’ writes that, “Being a successful person isn’t about career achievement and having the most toys. It’s about being a good, wise and generous human being.”

So, how do you define success? And does that mean you’re empowered?

 

Motherhood- the best feeling in the world

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After the combusting, polluted life in Karachi; it’s nice to step into a mountainous terrain where no body knows you and you can just be…Don’t get me wrong 5 years ago i would have been bored out of my soul. As i grow older and not wiser, i begin to value a breath of fresh air, moments of serenity coupled with amazing weather that makes it all worth the while.

I feel like i have all the time in the world to ponder questions about the human i am slowly becoming. A wife, daughter, sister, grand daughter but beyond everything else a Mother. This sense of being a mother is so fulfilling, so rewarding, it brings so much structure and routine and value to my life. This feeling is like i’m satisfied with everything, i don’t need or desire for anything, the object of my very being is satiated, it is no longer hungry, for lust, passion, acceptance. My heart is full, and that one word uttered from Danyal’s lips ‘mama’ pushes all my buttons to feel complete.