Life spirals

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Life spirals out of control sometimes,

so out of control that you just cant grab a moment, a fragment, a piece of yourself

your labelled to be someone your not, why are you so badly misunderstood?

You’re not that bad a human being and even you know that, everything you ever said meant nothing.

The one person who is your world, you mean nothing to him because wise men once said “the apple does not fall too far from the tree” its all the same to me.

Had she been here to protect me, this day, these times would never come, but no you labelled her too to be the same scum that you think i am.

Who gives you the right? I did, i gave you every opportunity to do me wrong and now you are, just as i never meant to do to you, do me wrong a million times, break these foundations because they were built on your lies.

It’s all the same. It’s all the same. It’s all the same

 

 

This amazing solitude

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“she isn’t lonely,” “she doesn’t know what it feels like to be alone,” that’s right i’m not alone because i enjoy this solitude, this time to be on my own. This time to find myself, to re-structure, to remember why i ever gave up.

In my mind, i travel the furthest boundaries, i’m limitless, i’m free, i’m ataxia free, i’m running. It’s an ambition, it’s a hope and what is life without hope, what are dreams without ambition? Nothing. So i will soar and run through the skies holding your hand Susie and together you me and reens will pour all the Pinot noir in the world and run through sunflower fields with the wind in our hair.

That will be my heaven to walk endlessly right beside the angel who gave birth to me and my soul sister, the older sister i never had and together we will paint the sky.

I have escaped my reality and found peace in your eyes, in her eyes, in my eyes..As i glare i’m warped into this ecstacy.

So, here is my tomorrow. Be the best version of myself and fight this to my dying breath, die fighting, live healthy. Today, tomorrow and everyday will be focused on getting better, stronger, tougher, smarter, flexible.

And it wont be hard, because i have this dream and i want it to come true.

It’s not Karachi, it’s my comfort zone

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When people say they miss home, they miss Karachi, do they really think about what they say? I’ve been away too many times to mention and i always felt like i missed Karachi.

No, it’s not Karachi. In all its grandeur and traffic light muggings, the power breakdowns, the random strikes, violence, the little girl running around the streets with no shoes on, making your heart melt. Not to forget the conveniences!

For me? Its none of the above. When i say i miss home. I miss my kitchen, I miss my apartment, I miss my candles, I miss the constant smell of my delicious brownies, I miss my comfort zone.

Hey, don’t get me wrong, i’m still a patriotic Pakistani, well at least i think I am. Karachi has done so much for all of us but taken so much away too. I would be anywhere in the world and run back to my country. My naivety always told me that i could make a difference to my country, i could help, i could change. But constantly fearing being alone, not feeling secure, having a gun to your head for a stupid iPhone is just not worth it.

So, no i don’t miss Karachi anymore. No, i don’t go crazy for my country anymore because my many failed governments took that away from me. ALL OF THEM, and there is no hope that my feeling of loving my city will ever come back. I don’t quit, it’s where i will be anyway, but thank you Karachi, i just don’t trust you anymore.

For now, back to fascinating about my oh so awesome comfort zone, where i can lock the door and lock all those damn demons out!

The Baking Affair

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From as far back as I can remember, baking was just a natural part of me. From smelling the fresh blueberry pies and cornbread in my grandmother’s kitchen in America – to smelling the banana bread rise in my mother’s kitchen, back home. It was almost as if measuring ingredients and whipping butter became my favourite past time as a teenager.

It was only when i got married that i came to the realisation that, baking was the BEST way into people’s hearts! And there you have it Voila! I was baking my entry with cookies and cakes, brownies, cupcakes BUT it was teaching me a lot too. Baking taught me:

Patience (has the best turnouts, DO NOT keep opening your oven door)

Balance (nothing ever tasted good too sweet)

STOP rushing. (Let it SET! I must have flipped over at least 25 cakes when they were warm and destroyed them….)

Measure everything! (Save, save, save!)

Lastly prepare it with love, with a fondness for the way stiff peaks form; focus on how gently you must fold ingredients into each other.

Love, that’s all every body needs sometimes. Relationships with your husband, in-laws, friends or family or anybody really! Require you to pay close attention to the details. (No body wants to chew on an egg shell YUCK! *makes gag face*)

And now finally, after I have all the time in the world, I can have my affair with baking. Ladies and gentlemen I introduce to you https://www.facebook.com/thebakingaffair/

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My dream come true.

Run of the mill advertising and the popular cliche

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There are no good ideas.

There are brilliant ones, out of the so called box ones, just like that indian ad one, and not to forget the run of the mill.

Every brilliant idea, somehow turns into the same boring, mundane, cliche. Even when it comes to you bright and early, in the morning, or on the throne, in the shower, on your cigarette break. From the minute you give birth to it, to the time its about to shine on through; right before the story boards, ‘it must hit puberty’, and there you have it. It’s just like any other shitty idea.

Whoever told you, you could sell brilliance in this market, was dead wrong. Forget about those moments of surging passion and inspiration, because —┬álets be honest, that shit does not sell.

At any agency, you have those handful of crap clients that want, well the same crap over and over again, copy, paste, edit, “yeh copy change kar doh”, “yeh background thora blur karna”, “iske gradient change karo” – sent

Reply: “blue does not match the brand guidelines” (I bloody wrote the brand guidelines)

Logo placement is off

Move the human element a little BIT to the left.

DONE and sent.

Reply: I don’t like it, (because i have daddy issues.)

Acha bhai ab khud khushi kar loon?

Not to say, this is the same crap you hear, no matter where you go. Everybody’s got their brunt.

What frustrates me. Good, great, brilliant, amazing, the inspiration worthy ideas…never sell

BUT what they do want is what works, what has been working for 10 odd years and maybe its stopped working but NO we still want that.

I want to be able to own something great, not something that was thrown up on and then recycled to become the OOH it is today.

I’m out there, again, hoping i have learnt from my mistakes and gained some more insight on “how it works.”

Let me find somewhere, that lets me explore, be inspired and take risks. That doesn’t work on the same popular cliche and stands out to recognise an individual for their spark.